i talked to Marc today
well, not exactly
i kind of more heard and listen from him
i listened to the problems of an uncle
i never had
it's weird to hear about someone so important
even though you've never seen him

my dad found a letter in a box
that hadn't been opened since at least 1990
sent by his mom, my grandma
from an important time that seemed was cheering eveyone up
talking about important people.

my dad was in Japan when he got this letter
everything was doing great for him
he was living with Marc's brother, and they were having fun
when they got the letter, they liked to get news for him
even if they were kind of bad news.

that day, the sun was shining bright
my grandma was about 45
when she got a call from Marc
she hadn't heard of him in 15 years
since he was my dad's friend in elementary school

Marc talked about his anxiety problems
memory problems
and his under-achieving thoughts
his selfish mother made him grow up with
and he had
''something no doctor could cure''
he said, when he was 10
my dad would give him a broom,
tell him to go place it in a corner
and then Marc would feel bad,
because he would take it out of shame
and then immediatly forget about what he had to do,
but he'd never tell my dad
because he feared he would laugh at him.

i think no one really took it that seriously
because my grandma was talking about it with a thin weight
and my dad kind of forgot about Marc,
spending more and more time with his brother instead.
as Marc would cry alone in his room at night.

Marc put a gun to his head on a dark '94 night.

i heard about him a few times
but I've never met him.
i find it fascinating how I can relate so much with a person
who's not there anymore for me to share with,
even if I don't really got any of his actual problem.
i've never heard anyone take the guilt.
i've never heard anyone talking about him without a regret.

everyone kind of forgot Marc after his death
was it intentional?

i left the letter, grasped by an incredible feeling of loneliness.
i could feel so much proximity between me and Marc
even though he was
somewhere else
i couldn't understand how people could talk about it
in a letter
like he was alive
a letter from a time
Marc was happier
healthier
or just
living

Marc felt, lived and loved like everyone did or does.
what was his problems?
he never even left a note
and he never will.