1. |
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i wish you were the first so it would all be over now.
nothing more to worry about
just me, alone in my bed at night
but unlike the other nights spent that way
i would finally feel okay.
finally feel done.
done with everything.
done with every worry that ever took over me.
what do you think of me?
am I a good person to you?
i ain't waiting for anything
all I want to see is you
tonight I discovered a shortcut to heaven
do you want me to show you?
don't worry, I learned long ago to live without it.
i can almost say i'm perfectly still
within and without you
cause being sure of it would be lying
but, what difference would it make?
lies are getting thrown at me everyday
i guess i'm used to it.
i'm sorry.
the times are hard, and I need a punch
i can't say I really ask for much
all I wait for is for you to wait for me.
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2. |
dots and loops
06:37
|
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i remember learning how to dive
the water was soft and freshening for my skin
i was feeling so hot I could've either dried or loose my mind
to the lips that were being proposed to me
and I didn't know how to take them
so I took them in an imprudent way
and it left me scars all around my brain
scars, scars I never knew would heal
and I, I, I never got this told to me
i used to think they would bow
but I now don't
i recall the time
i heard Baleen Sample
a Magical Mystery Tour in the background
and guitars strings were stummed to the sound of the drunken masters
making noises with their soul
the french dad got out of work earlier that day
to see how the strawberry would react
but things I recall from these days
are fading more and more away
as I ache to the sound of the thunder
oh, how is the weather?
It looked nice today
but no matter how sunny the day was
no matter how many sunshines penetrated your soul
it's still raining in your head
recalling the times you were happy
when manic depressions weren't an option
when people knew how to accept them
when people still remembered you at all.
i remember learning how to swim
my dad never taught me but I learned with hymns
songs about the future past that we are living right now
living is actually a vague word, knowing you now vow
for better days and an actual soul
that isn't fucked up by powder
from the times you weren't like a ghoul
that day I got you apple cider.
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3. |
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why can't we even listen to each other?
only for a while?
let's just take a small pause.
|
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4. |
teenage suicide rate
04:52
|
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i talked to Marc today
well, not exactly
i kind of more heard and listen from him
i listened to the problems of an uncle
i never had
it's weird to hear about someone so important
even though you've never seen him
my dad found a letter in a box
that hadn't been opened since at least 1990
sent by his mom, my grandma
from an important time that seemed was cheering eveyone up
talking about important people.
my dad was in Japan when he got this letter
everything was doing great for him
he was living with Marc's brother, and they were having fun
when they got the letter, they liked to get news for him
even if they were kind of bad news.
that day, the sun was shining bright
my grandma was about 45
when she got a call from Marc
she hadn't heard of him in 15 years
since he was my dad's friend in elementary school
Marc talked about his anxiety problems
memory problems
and his under-achieving thoughts
his selfish mother made him grow up with
and he had
''something no doctor could cure''
he said, when he was 10
my dad would give him a broom,
tell him to go place it in a corner
and then Marc would feel bad,
because he would take it out of shame
and then immediatly forget about what he had to do,
but he'd never tell my dad
because he feared he would laugh at him.
i think no one really took it that seriously
because my grandma was talking about it with a thin weight
and my dad kind of forgot about Marc,
spending more and more time with his brother instead.
as Marc would cry alone in his room at night.
Marc put a gun to his head on a dark '94 night.
i heard about him a few times
but I've never met him.
i find it fascinating how I can relate so much with a person
who's not there anymore for me to share with,
even if I don't really got any of his actual problem.
i've never heard anyone take the guilt.
i've never heard anyone talking about him without a regret.
everyone kind of forgot Marc after his death
was it intentional?
i left the letter, grasped by an incredible feeling of loneliness.
i could feel so much proximity between me and Marc
even though he was
somewhere else
i couldn't understand how people could talk about it
in a letter
like he was alive
a letter from a time
Marc was happier
healthier
or just
living
Marc felt, lived and loved like everyone did or does.
what was his problems?
he never even left a note
and he never will.
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5. |
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moving through fields of flower
moving though kashmir
i can hardly say i'm awake anymore
even though i wish it was all a dream
but in the middle of this train of lost thoughts
as i cry of dry tears
i make a bitter face
and ask the sky
can i go home now?
The End.
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